Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Dating a Preacher!!!

Okay... This is something... Someone is going to get me for releasing these tips but I will say church people need help with dating.  Especially dating folks in ministry.  Most of us don't really "know" how to date like normal people LOL because the saints put so much pressure on us to be married. I honestly think I am asked about marriage at least once a week. I don't think folks mean any harm by it but there is a level of pressure applied.

I think its interesting that many of the New Testament Characters are single and didn't seem to ever mention or suggest that not being married was a problem. But oh not today!!! Folks act as if your are not fulfilling destiny if you're not married.  Even to the point I know tons of people young and old forced into marriage.  I even heard of gays being forced into heterosexual marriages, sleeping in separated houses etc all because they wanted to fulfill this pressure of being married. 

I won't get into the whole gay marriage piece (I WON'T). But getting married to be more Christian is a mistake. If you do it because you want to have kids, that is a big mistake too! Because once you have the kids then you've accomplished the "goal".  Don't get married because you have a sexual desire you can't "control" either. I personally don't think marriage is the answer. If you have a problem with being promiscuous and you get married you will still have the problem. I don't look at marriage as a solution but the result of true love between two people.

I may be totally wrong about this but I will say I believe in LOVE still.  I think you should get married because of LOVE and your willingness to dedicate your life to the love that you have with someone else.  Marriage should be about giving your life for another person just as Jesus gave His life to us because of the love the father has toward the world.  

PLEASE let me say this "IT IS NOT A SIN TO BE SINGLE" but you will sin if you get married and you are not ready.

So to all my friends and homies who think they found bae and she or he happens to be a preacher I want to give you some TIPS.  Me being a preacher I do know dating us is a little different than other folks so I want to help you out.

1.  Remember Preachers are People Too.  Its always been odd to me that folks look at preachers, pastors, ministers, etc. at like superhuman.  They have to endure all the same things as other people.  We tend to handle it a little different but things bother us too.  We don't like everyone. We have issues too. We get attitudes sometimes too!  Most times we are under great pressure from the work of ministry etc., and when dating someone we look for an escape and if you don't allow us to be normal it will be a problem with dating.  Let us scream at the car for cutting us off in traffic without you trying to quote a scripture and asking us what would Jesus do.

2.  Going to church is not a date.  I know this might sound crazy but I have dated people who thought going to a musical or church function meant we've been on a date.  Church services are designed for worshiping not to court.  So inviting a preacher to church to "get to know" him or her is not a good idea.  Take them somewhere else, places that don't look like "work" aka church!

3.  Don't date a minster at your local church.  Within your local the folks there are your brothers and sisters and what happens if things don't progress and or you decide not to date?  Or what if you have a falling out? The dynamics in that relationship will effect the entire church.  Other people even though they are not invited into your relationship will pick sides and a mini war about who is right will begin to arise within that community of believers. 

4.  Respect the office they hold.  No matter what the office is, one of the five accession gifts, or deacon, pastor, bishop.  Just because you are dating or getting to know someone who holds that office does not give you the right or permission to disrespect their position.  You might call them by their first name when you all are alone but in front of the church or during ministry that is not bae especially if you are not married.  

5.  Don't tell everyone!  Believe it or not church people gossip more than Wendy Williams!!! Privacy is needed while you are getting to know this preacher.  There maybe others who are interested in that minister and they will do and try things to interfere with the relationship.  I think it is a good idea to allow your pastor to know but not everyone.

6.  Learn to encourage them.  Most ministers have a burden for something and they experience many hardships for it.  They usually are criticized for so many different things, from their type of ministry, their style of ministering, how they dress.  You must remember they are in the spotlight and are under much pressure from the "members" and upper leadership such as Bishops and Pastors etc.  I heard First Lady Jakes say that she is her husbands biggest fan.  I think the preacher you date needs to know you accept them and the ministry in which they serve.  Encourage them, let them know that their work is not unnoticed and that they are appreciated.

7.  Respect their time of "worship".  Most ministers have heavy schedule especially if they are a bi-vocational minister.  They will need time alone for study and prayer, etc.  Learn their schedule and don't add pressure to them by making them feel they need to chose you over their devotion.

8.  Dating a preacher doesn't make you a preacher!!!  I remember dating someone who swore up and down that because I was a Prophet that made them a Prophetess. NO only God can give you that call.  I personally think that sometimes the great ministry is ministering to that person so that they can be ready for the people.  

9.  Don't be a "saint"!!! meaning don't make the preacher feel you are a student or that you need their ministerial care all the time.  This is so odd to be trying to date someone you always have to minister too.  The relationship then will have to change from bae into  minister and laity.  

10.  Don't put God in it.  I hear so many folks argue about things and or maybe decide that things aren't working out and then one person says "God want us together" or "God put us together"  I believe since we have more choices than Adam and Eve had He's giving us the right to decide.  Don't go trying to make someone feel bad because you might not be the best bf or gf so you try to put God in your mess. NO if you do right you won't have to use "God" to keep them around.

Okay... that was harder than I thought.  Please don't judge my grammar I am not an English teacher. I am a person who wants to help people do life better that's it.

till next time,

Prophet Cedric.

Thursday, April 21, 2016

5 Tips to be Current and Ease Anxiety

HELLO!!! Oh my GOODNESS!!! Okay so I totally forgot I use to blog in 2009 and I kinda was never faithful to it. I knew it would be a good idea but I just wasn't in a place that I could actually focus enough on my thoughts to communicate them in a blog.

I use to be a person in prison by my thoughts and "what IF's" I had horrible Anxiety!!!

I use to be so concerned about my future I never actually experienced my current reality.  I know so many people that get stuck in place that is not here and they miss out on life.  I know most people always put pressure on living in the past but I would like to add equal pressure to those who live in the future to much.

I remember when I met my "first love" my first thought was oh my goodness what if this ends.  We ended up together for a few years but I can hardly remember any of it because I was so concerned I was going to mess up I never really relaxed in the thought that I had someone who was in love with me.

I think that many people are there. I know people who have great opportunities before them but they won't maximize the opportunity because they are to scared to mess up.  It will paralyze you from taking the risk required to succeed in being you and being great. There is no real plan for success.  Everyone has a different definition of success and I tend to believe success is being totally you and being rewarded for it.

Throughout the years I've made so many mistakes. I have failed several times and I'm pretty sure I will fail again.  I don't mind failing, because sooner or later I will get it right. I don't believe I can fail at the same thing forever and have a memory.  Like you should remember where the whole is.

Here are five things I do to help keep me current and not worrying about my future:

1.)  Prioritize your concerns:  Now I am not suggesting that you shouldn't be concerned about your future at all but you can't focus on everything at once.   I use something called a priority sequence.  I deal with the issues that need my attention currently and table the other things until they need my attention.  If it's the weekend I won't start trying to figure out how I am going to argue with my boss because that conversation is for Monday and not Friday night.  

2.)  Don't OVER think it:  Just like NO ONE in the world likes an overcooked steak.  Once you create a plan. solution, or addressed a thing let it be just that.  Don't allow yourself to keep coming up with possible outcomes and answers.  Pick an answer and let it be that.  Trust yourself that you came up with something good and trust yourself enough to know that if it isn't good you can handle the consequence.

3.)  Leave ROOM for Destiny:  You must allow for nature or destiny to happen. You can't plan every single thing.  You must allow God and the universe to do its part too!!! Give room for something amazing and unplanned to happened.  Allow things to take its course and flow.

4.)  Focus on NOW:  Make sure you are present and available for the current moment.  Feel it, breathe, and embrace it.  Enjoy your spaces and times of happiness and relaxation while you can.  There are enough times that require your attention at levels that might not be so relaxing.  If you're taking a walk notice the color of the leaves, or how many flowers you see.  Count your foot steps.  But be current, and present in the thing that you're doing.  Turn off your phone during times of enjoyment if it put you back in a place of future worry.

5.)  Have FAITH:  Trust that things will work out for your good.  Truth is many unfortunate things have happened to us and we've recovered.  Have faith that you will be okay no matter what happens.  You'll be surprised what you can live through.  Divorce is not the end of the world millions of people have overcome it.  Getting fired is not the end of the would, you will and can find another job.  Have that faith that you are able to handle whatever life gives you because you were made to live life, that's why you're alive.

That's all from my pen... (don't judge my grammar I'm not an English Teacher)

Prophet Cedric