Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Dating a Preacher!!!

Okay... This is something... Someone is going to get me for releasing these tips but I will say church people need help with dating.  Especially dating folks in ministry.  Most of us don't really "know" how to date like normal people LOL because the saints put so much pressure on us to be married. I honestly think I am asked about marriage at least once a week. I don't think folks mean any harm by it but there is a level of pressure applied.

I think its interesting that many of the New Testament Characters are single and didn't seem to ever mention or suggest that not being married was a problem. But oh not today!!! Folks act as if your are not fulfilling destiny if you're not married.  Even to the point I know tons of people young and old forced into marriage.  I even heard of gays being forced into heterosexual marriages, sleeping in separated houses etc all because they wanted to fulfill this pressure of being married. 

I won't get into the whole gay marriage piece (I WON'T). But getting married to be more Christian is a mistake. If you do it because you want to have kids, that is a big mistake too! Because once you have the kids then you've accomplished the "goal".  Don't get married because you have a sexual desire you can't "control" either. I personally don't think marriage is the answer. If you have a problem with being promiscuous and you get married you will still have the problem. I don't look at marriage as a solution but the result of true love between two people.

I may be totally wrong about this but I will say I believe in LOVE still.  I think you should get married because of LOVE and your willingness to dedicate your life to the love that you have with someone else.  Marriage should be about giving your life for another person just as Jesus gave His life to us because of the love the father has toward the world.  

PLEASE let me say this "IT IS NOT A SIN TO BE SINGLE" but you will sin if you get married and you are not ready.

So to all my friends and homies who think they found bae and she or he happens to be a preacher I want to give you some TIPS.  Me being a preacher I do know dating us is a little different than other folks so I want to help you out.

1.  Remember Preachers are People Too.  Its always been odd to me that folks look at preachers, pastors, ministers, etc. at like superhuman.  They have to endure all the same things as other people.  We tend to handle it a little different but things bother us too.  We don't like everyone. We have issues too. We get attitudes sometimes too!  Most times we are under great pressure from the work of ministry etc., and when dating someone we look for an escape and if you don't allow us to be normal it will be a problem with dating.  Let us scream at the car for cutting us off in traffic without you trying to quote a scripture and asking us what would Jesus do.

2.  Going to church is not a date.  I know this might sound crazy but I have dated people who thought going to a musical or church function meant we've been on a date.  Church services are designed for worshiping not to court.  So inviting a preacher to church to "get to know" him or her is not a good idea.  Take them somewhere else, places that don't look like "work" aka church!

3.  Don't date a minster at your local church.  Within your local the folks there are your brothers and sisters and what happens if things don't progress and or you decide not to date?  Or what if you have a falling out? The dynamics in that relationship will effect the entire church.  Other people even though they are not invited into your relationship will pick sides and a mini war about who is right will begin to arise within that community of believers. 

4.  Respect the office they hold.  No matter what the office is, one of the five accession gifts, or deacon, pastor, bishop.  Just because you are dating or getting to know someone who holds that office does not give you the right or permission to disrespect their position.  You might call them by their first name when you all are alone but in front of the church or during ministry that is not bae especially if you are not married.  

5.  Don't tell everyone!  Believe it or not church people gossip more than Wendy Williams!!! Privacy is needed while you are getting to know this preacher.  There maybe others who are interested in that minister and they will do and try things to interfere with the relationship.  I think it is a good idea to allow your pastor to know but not everyone.

6.  Learn to encourage them.  Most ministers have a burden for something and they experience many hardships for it.  They usually are criticized for so many different things, from their type of ministry, their style of ministering, how they dress.  You must remember they are in the spotlight and are under much pressure from the "members" and upper leadership such as Bishops and Pastors etc.  I heard First Lady Jakes say that she is her husbands biggest fan.  I think the preacher you date needs to know you accept them and the ministry in which they serve.  Encourage them, let them know that their work is not unnoticed and that they are appreciated.

7.  Respect their time of "worship".  Most ministers have heavy schedule especially if they are a bi-vocational minister.  They will need time alone for study and prayer, etc.  Learn their schedule and don't add pressure to them by making them feel they need to chose you over their devotion.

8.  Dating a preacher doesn't make you a preacher!!!  I remember dating someone who swore up and down that because I was a Prophet that made them a Prophetess. NO only God can give you that call.  I personally think that sometimes the great ministry is ministering to that person so that they can be ready for the people.  

9.  Don't be a "saint"!!! meaning don't make the preacher feel you are a student or that you need their ministerial care all the time.  This is so odd to be trying to date someone you always have to minister too.  The relationship then will have to change from bae into  minister and laity.  

10.  Don't put God in it.  I hear so many folks argue about things and or maybe decide that things aren't working out and then one person says "God want us together" or "God put us together"  I believe since we have more choices than Adam and Eve had He's giving us the right to decide.  Don't go trying to make someone feel bad because you might not be the best bf or gf so you try to put God in your mess. NO if you do right you won't have to use "God" to keep them around.

Okay... that was harder than I thought.  Please don't judge my grammar I am not an English teacher. I am a person who wants to help people do life better that's it.

till next time,

Prophet Cedric.


29 comments:

  1. Excellent tips and points for everyone especially single spiritual leaders.

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    1. Kingdom Blessings. This is a plethora of information and wisdom we all can behold, even the leaders that are single and in waiting or dating. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this information as I felt like you picked me up in the spirit on many of them. Great advice about not dating in the public eye, wait for the time of revealing. Be patient and have faith that it will work for your good. Now that you have given advice on dating, the people need advice on how to break up, discontinue dating, or depart ways without parting friendships, being disgruntled or indifferent, and down right low down. Be unified even if the relationship is delayed or denied. Help the church Prophet!

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  2. Thank you so much. I'm going to help some of my single preacher friends out, and those who date them. YES!

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  3. Great read...love your perspective!

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  4. Great insight! Keep up the wonderful work! You're coloring the world, beautiful!

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  5. That was delicious Prophet Cedric. Keep it coming.

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  6. Very good blog!
    (from Ja'qlyne's Mom)

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  7. good but Ruth and Boaz were in the same field...why not the same church

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    1. A field is a field not a church. LoL and usually field denotes occupation and that's ok. (My opinion) THANKS so much for reading

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  8. Extremely informative and enlightening.

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  9. I definitely needed to hear this. Thanks for sharing.

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  10. Hmm... Maybe I have things all wrong (very possible since I'm very single) but is it really so bad to keep God in the relationship? Personally, I don't want it if He ain't in it. Or perhaps I misunderstood #10. Regardless,this is very insightful. Thanks for sharing!

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  11. This can preach lol thanks for sharing

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